Grapes replacing my eyes, I stumbled upon a strange sight: not a woman, not a man, but something that just had freed themselves of the inept trappings of bodily imposed autonomy. What a sight, I thought.
“You will love me as much as I love you if you ever manage to fill my bottle to the half,” I said and threw up a jar made out of bones I had eaten in previous lives. The body answered happily, with a smile, because it wanted to be loved but for as much as it tried to fill with water it all went away, spilling itself over the dirt that surrounded me.
“We are in a cemetery,” they said and I nodded proudly because it was true when they said it and also because I was a virgin. “Let’s find out what we have done to ourselves.”
We marched in bars and beats towards the tombs that represented us. One said, “A strangely erratic occasion formed by accident, nevertheless crying in anger unwarranted and calmly accepting of injustices”, and the other one said, “A novel concept for those of feeble minds and tiny hearts, very independent but destined to suffer of fizziness of soul.” We both looked at each other, started screaming into each other’s faces and ran far, far away.
“You betrayed me, betrayed me!” they said as I left them behind to hit themselves into a tree. I yelled again at the pale moon, whose face had transformed into the seed of the grape that had worshipped me but no answer came. The days of me praying and getting answers were over, now I had to disentangle mysteries and emotional baggage all by myself.
“You didn’t tell me that I would look at a mirror!” she said and I shook my head as I came to see their body lying in a circular position. The soles of their feet were touching the back of their head and their hair was covering every portion of their face.
“We are in a hall of mirrors now, where every tomb has been furbished and replaced!” I said trying to contain my excitement. The chilly weather vomited itself out and a sunken feeling of air conditioned tightness set itself in our surroundings. “See yourself, and you will find out what the words meant!”
“But here there is no word but image,” they said. I nodded awkwardly because it did not feel that we were ever closer to loving each other but I realized that more important than feeling loved and cherished, was to have enough confidence to being to pretend to want to take care of myself.
We both looked at our reflections at different angles with our backs turned to each other. We were being reflected a thousand ways back into the infinity and from there, one of the reflections waved at me and then the next and the next and the next and I sent over a laughter that was half a cry for help and half gratitude at having someone near to me in this grape existential crisis.
“Let me turn around. Let’s stop changing everything around us and we will both appear as we truly are. No more and no less. If you really believe in anything, or at least in me, let us get rid of this place and deal with each other.”
Somebody had said it. But it wasn’t me and it wasn’t them. But it was true or it at least seemed true in somebody’s dream.