Vosofio greeted their Demon Soulmate, Ulipep, for they were both together the most Evilest Things to Ever Exist, two evil beings whose whole existence was to spread pettiness, cruelty, misery, and critiques all over the planet. They laughed evilly, they ate toast evilly, they bathed evilly, and then they went over to spread their demonic putrid essence from city to city, cackling like ducks all the way through. They were so evil that they did not even felt happy when they did that, they instead felt miserable and driven to despair which to an evil entity is the worst (greatest) feeling in the whole ten worlds.
One day, as Vosofio and Ulipep were walking evilly through the forest in the outskirts of Eviltopolis, not to be confused with Evilotopolis, a rustling sound made them stop very menacingly.
“What in the fuck?” Ulipep said and when they both turned, their eyes were open in Machiavellian fear for they had encountered a wild stuffed unicorn bear, their natural enemy, and when they both tried to release their only defense, the Stuffed Bear Repelling Acid, from their anuses, Vosofio struggled with their evil pants and their evil belt and they was bitten by the soft, velvety texture of the bear.
“Agh! Argh! It got me!” Vosofio screamed as Ulipep tried very hard to aim the bear as it floated happily towards one of the heavens with a bunch of very colorful balloons.
With nowhere else to go, Ulipep took the infected Vosofio to the evil doctor so they could look them up. They were both estranged by their strange, unsickly appearance: their former pale, disgusting face was becoming colorful, their hollow, blackened irises were taking shape, and the 234,522°C fever was rapidly going down.
“What in the fuck?” Ulipep asked the doctor who was taking evil notes while eating one of their evil lollipops.
“They is getting better. Bitten by the stuffed bear, nice, pure feelings of fun, tolerance, respect, friendship, and love are entering its system,” the creepy doctor said and they laughed like a heinous entity. “Who knows what will happen and me don’t care.”
As it turned out, the whole point of having a Demon Soulmate was that the other evil being would take care of you if you got injured or shaken, otherwise evil doers and carcasses would have been extinct a long time ago. But what to say, then, for Ulipep who was seeing their unbeloved, intolerable, loathsome soulmate slowly turning and turning into something incomprehensible.
“What in the fuck?” said Ulipep one night when they walked in and saw the most comforting thing they could have seen: a smile of happiness creeping up on the face Vosofio. “What in the fuck indeed?”
“I felt like smiling,” said Vosofio and suddenly realized what they had said. They tried to think of evil things but all came to mind were other things: a hug and a kiss, a chocolate bar in the lips, a piece of fruit in their now developing nipples, and a vibrator for what would be their center of pleasure, instead of the sixteen centers of non-pleasure they currently had. “I am dying, it is me… oh no! Help me!”
“Asking for help, you truly are gone,” Ulipep said and grabbed a pillow to suffocate them and get their rocks off but as soon as it touched Vosofio’s skin, it turned into a caramel and its viscous, sweet substance covered Ulipep’s hands/tails very decoratively minded. “No more! No more of you, Vosofio. We are through.”
“My love, my love,” whispered Vosofio in between sighs as they remembered the beautiful, awful memories they had shared together, including that time they both ate a shoe at the same time. “Do not leave me!”
But Ulipep was gone with a harsh scream, and Vosofio was left to wander alone the streets of Evlitonia, since it had changed its name, with thoughts of love and compassion flowing through them. All the demons escaped from them, for fear of being infected, but since nobody could offer any help, nobody stopped them really from going to place to place, begging for a hug, a handshake, or even just some words of self-esteem reinforcement and positive feedback.
And after weeks of weeks of pleasure, Vosofio’s heart finally gave out, they moaned and stirred their own body from head to toe, and the black hole of a pumping vessel they had had, turned into a fluffy, pink machination that could finally translate the particles of positive emotions through their entire bodies. They looked at the horizon and cried tears of honeysuckle because they had also had its heart broken for the first, but not the last, time. They was free at last of being evil and could finally escape the land of the demons and join with the other degenerates they had once tormented so much, those who loved and kissed and enjoyed giving each other gifts and wrote poems and ate fruits with each other in non-evil ways. They also grew a horn in their forehead that was very pretty.